Monthly Archives: January 2013

Today

I am soooooooooooo thankful for THESE BABIES:

I can’t get enough.

Seriously. It’s ridiculous.

Just back from an OB appointment. According to the doctor I have a textbook perfect pregnancy!

Although…

I’m not so sure she left the appointment feeling the same way.

Because after a few of my questions, we learned the following SUPER EXCITING things: 1) Apparently I will have difficulty breastfeeding. I have to meet ahead of time with a lactation consultant for lots of extra help. Greeeeeat. And 2) I have a bacterial infection. Yay me.

PS I’ve already eaten every hershey’s hug from that picture while typing the past few sentences.

Official weight gain? 8.5 lbs. Which is less (by about a metric ton) than I thought I’d have gained by this point. And every pound gained is fine, anyway, healthy, even. I just soooooo wish I hadn’t been overweight when I got knocked up in the first place. It’s going to be a loooooooong road to ideal weight after delivery…

Aaaand now that I’ve worked so hard to add a couple more pounds from chocolate, I’m off to pour over nursery paint colors. It’s hard to choose! Who KNEW there were so many shades of light gray out there?

Bumpity bumping… 24 weeks-style

A couple pre-gym snapshots.
Ah, The Hunger Games tee. I love it so.

How far along? 24 weeks, 1 day

Total weight gain: 7 lbs (approximately–I’ll weigh in officially at my appointment this Thursday)
Maternity clothes? Yep! (Leggings are seriously my best friend. And ruched tunics.)
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Not great. I wake at the drop of a dime these days. N turning over. ME turning over. And, of course, that constant need to pee.  
Best moment this week: N finally got to feel baby girl kicking!
Miss Anything? Alcohol. And deli meat sandwiches. I mean, I don’t understand why I took sandwiches for granted for so long. I NEVER used to make them for lunch. Now? They’re almost all I think about. Especially bologna and cheese. (Yes, yes, bologna is kinda gross. But I crave what I crave. What can I say??) When this little girl has vacated my belly? My fridge is going to be sooooooo stocked with deli meats and cheeses. I will eat a sandwich (or two) (or six) everyyyy day. My mouth is watering while I type this. 
Movement? Kicks! She started kicking around the start of the year and her bouts are getting longer and stronger, though she’s still quiet for long periods of time. (I think she sleeps for something like 12-14 hours at a time right now?) I love every little footprint I get to feel from the inside.
Food cravings: Nothing really. Though I have been more into chocolate than I have been previously. 
Gender prediction? Girl!
Labor Signs: I *think* I had Braxton Hicks contractions two nights in a row last week. Except… they were excruciating. Like, way more than anything I’ve read about them. In fact, I’ve heard that Braxton Hicks don’t really hurt. So I’m not sure what was going on. But for me? These were period cramps on crack on top of crack on top of crackity crack crack crack. I actually was yelling from the pain. Poor N had no clue what to do. And eventually this lead to, um, another body function. Let’s just say that for now. If it happens again, I’ll probably go to urgent care just to be safe–and I’ll definitely ask the doc about it on Thursday–because after reading about it (after it happened and I was feeling better) the symptoms also align with preterm labor… Update: After my dr appointment a few days later, I learned that this was NOT a case of Braxton Hicks. Just that awful thing that starts with the word diary and ends with the sound ah. Ugh. Still have never felt pain like that EVER. But apparently my intestines are super close to my uterus right now, so it’s hard to tell where pain is coming from…
Symptoms: Not many! It’s true what they say about second trimester. I have had a ton of energy! Though these days I’m getting tired a lot more easily than I have the past few weeks. Like the first half of second tri was all BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE GET TONS OF STUFF DONE BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE and now, in the second half, it’s more bounce bounce, rest rest, bounce, get a couple things done, go to bed.
Belly Button? In
Wedding rings? On
Mood? I actually feel a little bit more hormonal these days. I’m quicker to snap at Nelsonic–and to get irritated with things in general, but still, no major blow ups or tantrums or sobfests… Yet.
Looking forward to: Nursery things coming together! I’m working on picking out the perfect gray paint color for the walls; we have the changing table/dresser, but it needs to be sanded & repainted; the crib and glider have been ordered; the mobile has been made (found a custom one I loved on etsy) and is en route! And a few other things. It’s all planned and in the works, but nothing’s in place yet. 
Any other changes? Nah, not really. Just getting bigger, bigger, bigger!  

Two years ago today…

My nana passed away. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve been through, watching her as she faded. She had a massive stroke, which left her incapacitated. Unable to eat, drink, speak… She could kind of sort of squeeze my hand back when I held hers, but it was hard to do so without crying because she couldn’t even swallow on her own. 

Occasionally, a nurse would come in to moisten her lips with a wet cloth. But because of something Nana had signed previously, that was all they could do. She didn’t want any special measures to be brought back in this sort of situation. And even if she had, I don’t think there was anything anyone could have done, honestly. My sisters both came into town and we spent a few days visiting with our grandmother on her deathbed. The day she died, there was a major snowstorm and I wasn’t able to get back out to see her. 

But these aren’t the things I try to remember. 

I try to remember that as a child, I couldn’t wait to hang out with Nana. I loved going to her house–her street was lined with Weeping Willows, which I grew up calling Rainbow Trees. I loved splashing around in her neighborhood pool in the summer and the way she’d make me hot cocoa in the winter. But what I really loved was to hear about whichever new book she was writing.

She’s published several books. Nothing you’ve ever heard of, I’m sure, because she wrote them in a different age, in a completely different publishing world. But that’s not the point. This is:

That she could run blank pieces of paper through her typewriter and–using nothing more than her creativity and some ink–pull them back out full of stories and characters absolutely amazed me. I wanted to do the exact same thing.


So enter me, at who knows how young, with a spiral notebook and pencil in hand, writing furiously. Poems. Short stories. Beginnings to novels. I’d write until my fingers went numb. One Christmas, I gave everyone in my family a short horror story I’d written. Another time, a booklet of poems. From those first few words–from that first moment I realized I could create something too–I was hooked. It’s all thanks to Nana.

I miss her today. 

I miss her all the time.

Portrait of Nana as a young woman
Nana and my grandfather ❤

Friends with Kids

Someone posted this on Facebook yesterday and I wanted to hang onto it. Not because I have friends yet who’ve felt neglected on account of me having a kid (I mean, baby girl’s still in my belly, sooooo that’d be weird) (and, if I’m being honest, I’m kind of a recluse for weeks and months at a time, so if my friends feel neglected, that’s why anyway) but because reading it was kind of a good lesson for me. It showed a bit of what I can expect. And you know what’s kind of cool about it?

A year ago, had I read this article about why people with kids don’t have time I would have felt exhausted just thinking about it. Because ugh. Who wants to never have time? Who wants to have to take 45 minutes to do things that should take 15? NOT ME.

But now? I nodded along while reading, thinking, Ah, okay, I can do this. I’m prepared–or at least, I’m getting prepared. It didn’t scare me even a little bit!

Okay, maybe just a little bit.

But not in a run for the hills and keep your legs closed forEVER sort of way like it would have a year ago. It only scared me because I’m nervous I won’t be equipped to be the awesome, on-top-of-it-all kind of mom I want to be. But isn’t that the start of being a good mom? Worrying that you won’t be good enough? (Well, I’m telling myself that is, anyway…)

Plus, I wanted to hang onto the article, too, for it’s actual purpose. In case someday there’s a friend who doesn’t quite understand what it means to be a mom 🙂 (Though my friends are so awesome, I seriously doubt that will ever happen.)

NYE, The Eve of the Year of the Baby!

Dear baby GIRL, (Yep, that’s right, we found out on December 22nd that you’re a girl!!!)

THIS is what you looked like on New Year’s Eve:

See? Fancy. 🙂 Your dad and I celebrated the end of the year with your grandparents (on my side) at a steakhouse. The food was delicious and we all had a fun time, but you know what was the MOST fun? Knowing that the next day–TODAY–would be the first day of 2013, the year you will be born! We sooooooo can’t wait.

Love,
Mom (<– I have never before fully appreciated what an amazing word this is!)

Your daddy and me… I went out with wet hair, which you are NEVER allowed to do 🙂